February 4, 2008

The Presidential Primary: Of Warm Milk and Pillow Talk

By George Lightbourn

In a couple of weeks the traveling medicine show that we call the presidential primary will set up camp in Wisconsin.  There is broad agreement that this is one of the most interesting, dynamic races in decades.

What will we be looking for in that one candidate who prevails, not only in the primary, but on into the summer and the fall?  Do they need to be right on policy?  Do they need to possess velvet lips?  How about gender, race, religion, age, what will we look for in that one person to lead the free world?

Actually, none of those things really matter. No, the person who will take the oath next January will be the one who can understand and tap into the nation’s psyche.  That person will be the one who understands and acknowledges that we are a nation of softies.

We might like to read about the Greatest Generation, but we cannot begin to list all that was wrong with that time and we can’t possibly understand why someone didn’t step in sooner and stop the hurting.

We are not into pain and sacrifice.  Hardship - you have got to be kidding.

Just a couple of weeks ago, when our portfolios were about to take a whack up side the head, that nice gentleman with the soft eyes, Mr. Bernanke, stepped in and lowered rates.  We were all able to put the antacid back in the medicine cabinet where it belongs.

Not to be outdone, Ms. Pelosi and President Bush stopped bickering long enough to agree to a tax rebate package.  Of course we know we really can’t afford it, but it just feels so right.  Let’s do it.  It will be like a warm glass of milk for the economy.

And we deserve everything that’s done for us.  After all, we’re coming off a pretty rough year.  Zillions of us are losing sleep because we’re falling behind on our house payments or because we’ve already lost our houses.  All that fine print those avaricious bankers put in those documents, well it just isn’t fair.  And those of us still in our homes are fussed up because we can’t sell them.  That’s right, we need Washington to step in and tell those bankers to back off.  If they did that it would be like homemade meatloaf on a wintry night.

So too we have become a nation in search of friends.  In her reply to the President’s state of the union address, Governor Sebelius said that we need to “restore America’s role in the world.”  We know what she’s talking about.  We no longer want to be the most powerful. We want to be the most popular.  We want those nice Canadians and the swell Danes to be our pals.  Heck, if everyone could just get to know us, they’d all really like us.

There are no tough guys in Wisconsin any more either.  We’re told over and over how expensive health care is so we lash out at the greedy insurance companies, doctors and nurses – scratch nurses, they’re angels of mercy.  We want government to solve the health care problem for us too.  Can’t they figure out a way pay for health care so those bills don’t come to our mailboxes any more?  Oh, they’ll just have to pass some kind of health care plan; all the polls say that we really, really want them to do something.

That’s right, they should listen to the polls.  Polls have become the co-pilot of government.  We expect our leaders to do and say things that make us happy.  Way back in the Greatest Generation, leaders did what they thought was right.  Somehow they called that leadership.  That would never work today; it would be way too upsetting to contemporary America.  We want a leader doing what we think is right.

So I’m not sure I’d advise John McCain to keep it up his frontal assault on the psyche of the nation.  We don’t want straight talk, we’d prefer pillow talk.  We don’t want someone to hunt down bin Laden, we want someone who will tuck us in at night.  And please, don’t ask what we can do for our country ….

Sacre bleu, we’ve become the French.